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Hear ye, Primal Instinks here! Did you see what I did there with the two variants of here/hear? Or maybe you noticed the title of this blog post, where "favorite" is written as "phavorite" so the title can be an alliteration (all three words begin with the same letter and two of them even begin with the "F" sound).
I've always been a fan of wordplay, whether it be puns, alliterations, similes... you name it. This includes rascally adding or removing letters to words to change them, or changing a single letter in a word for humorous effect. An example of this is when one of my grade-school teachers had written "Times New Roman" on the whiteboard before class, and when I got to class early before her and most of the other kids, I walked up to the board and erased the "e" in Times and the "Ro" in Roman and sat back down with a grin. When everyone (including the teacher) walked into the class, the whiteboard now said "Tim's New man." The teacher cried out "someone wrote something stupid!" and angrily erased the rest of it and the class laughed. Or there was another grade-school incident where I saw a stack of papers that the kids had turned in, and at the top of the pile was one with the name Cari W written on it. I didn't know Cari, but I assumed since she hadn't bothered to write her full last name on it, it must have been a really long name, so I decided to have a little fun and improvise. I grabbed the paper and a pencil and made her name Cari Winterwonderlanderman, as it was the longest and most ridiculous name I could think of on the spot (I didn't want to get caught). The next day, the stack of papers was still sitting there and the addition I had written had been erased, and she was now back to being Cari W. So of course I returned her to Cari Winterwonderland one final time and had a big laugh to myself about it. I also liked to refer to the card game rummy as "dummy" whenever I played it with friends, and I liked to competitively rub it into peoples' faces if they didn't see a rummy in the card pile by pointing at them and saying "dummy!" instead. English isn't the only language I like to have fun and a be a rascal with. I learned a little bit of Spanish when I lived in the southwest, and through this learning I picked up on some funny combinations of words and actions. I'm proud to say I made plenty of Spanish-speaking Mexicans in Arizona laugh by saying ridiculous things like "chinos cochinos," or "listo para Cristo" while spreading my legs. They were always a fan of my crude humor and they loved hearing a white guy tell jokes to them in their native tongue. Now that you know how much I enjoy playing with language, here's some compiled catchphrases I came up with that I've used and continue to use in my content and the meanings behind them. 1) Refuse to use: this is my personal parody of the popular "refuse to lose" phrase that I created as my stance on not using deodorant and other hygiene products despite society's norms and modern hygiene standards. I wasn't raised by wolves so I did start out using deodorant, shampoo, and body soap, but the resulting itchy rash under my arms, peeling skin, and dry, flaky scalp were big indicators to me that something was wrong. Though I originally blamed my body during my teen years, I realized down the road as an adult it was body telling me that these chemicals were negatively affecting it, and I eventually stopped using them altogether. So even when society tries to condition me to continue using the products that used to harm my skin and affect my body's natural functions, I take a firm stand and refuse to use them. I uploaded a vlog on my channel where I discuss it more in detail. 2) Dare to wear (the same pair): Like the catchy phrase above, I came up with this one and enjoy how much it rhymes. This is my admission of wearing the same pair of socks for a week before changing them, a habit that began during my teenage years that I never grew out of -- and never will! I turned it into a short song I wrote and uploaded a video of it to my YouTube channel where I sang and danced along, which was inspired by the silly jingles of the sketch comedy show "Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" When it comes down to it, it is pretty daring to voluntarily ensure your shoes and feet are always smelly by doing this, but I've always found that to be an enjoyable thing so I guess you can consider me a daredevil. I'll also accept "bad boy" and "rebel." 3) Musk is a must: Another one that rhymes that also includes two words that are only one letter apart. It's my message that I enjoy the way (healthy) people naturally smell and that I prefer body odor over cologne or artificial fragrances, which I mostly find disgusting. In order for me to live naturally and embrace my natural outlook on life, musk is a must. 4) Great minds stink alike: A fun parody of "great minds think alike," it's my extension of that popular phrase. Not only do great minds think alike, but they also stink alike, too -- meaning, they live the natural, deodorant-free and smelly-feet lifestyle that I do. As a person, are you a goody clean-shoes who smells like a factory-produced, artificial fragrance, or are you a natural rebel who smells like a person? The greatest minds in my mind think and stink alike. 5) Put your nose where it goes: This one is used by Alpha Primal when I'm filming video commissions for fans who enjoy being bullied. It's a order that happens to rhyme, directing submissive guys to smell various parts of my body as well as my clothing. Sometimes I extend it to "put your nose where it goes -- in between my toes" to give it an extra rhyme and pack an extra verbal punch. 6) Give me that money: I had a dream a few years ago that I was a big-time local YouTuber that everyone in town knew. I was downtown somewhere, and there were a bunch of people lined up to get into some event, and I decided this would be the perfect opportunity for me to film a public stunt for views and attention. In the dream, I laid on my back on a longboard and went feet-first down a hill in the road which was right next to the sidewalk all these people were waiting in line on. As I rolled past them, I threw my arms up and yelled "give me that moneyyyy!" and everyone went wild and cheered when they saw me and heard it. Their reaction was like, "hey look, it's that 'give me that money' guy! Rock on!!" Apparently "give me that money" was my catchphrase for whatever type of content I was filming in the dream, and I advertised myself by doing public stunts and yelling it out for my fans to enjoy. During the dream, I was also aware that "wake up and give me that money" was the full version of the catchphrase and I had merely shortened it as I was whizzing past people on the longboard since I wouldn't have had much time to yell the entire thing. I realized this catchphrase wouldn't be understood or go over well if I started saying it on my current channel, so instead I reserve it to Alpha Primal whenever I'm demanding tributes from fans who worship and commission me. They cheer for me like the people in the dream, and in this case they actually give me the money I ask for. 7) The snake is pleased: I came up with this one years before I was filming videos. After saying "yesssss" to something I found pleasing, I noticed that the extra "s" sounds at the end resembled a snake's hiss, or the inflection someone would have an animated snake character talk with. So after I said "yessss" like that, I impulsively followed it with "the snake is pleased." So basically when I say that, it's more than just a regular "yes," to me, it's an excited and enthusiastic yes. 8) Apneist: In my mind, an apneist is a breath-holder -- someone who enjoys voluntarily holding their breath or seeing other people hold their breath. The definition of apnea is "temporary cessation (stopping) of breathing." I understand that the word apnea is generally used to describe the condition of sleep apnea, but I don't have sleep apnea; I simply enjoy holding my breath for fun and seeing other people like me hold theirs. The internet taught me there's a slang nomenclature pertaining to breath-holding, mainly in free diving communities. I'm not a diver and I don't use terms like "dry static apnea" to refer to holding my breath outside of the water -- that's just "holding my breath" for me. However, apnea is an actual term for temporarily stopping your breathing, therefore adding the suffix "ist" to form the word "apneist" is suitable to describe someone who practices or is skilled in holding their breath. 9) Naturalize: This is my way of saying "keep it natural," as in naturalize your life. The more artificial society gets, the more we stray from the natural world and lose ourselves. Artificial does mean fake, after all. Would you rather be a natural being or live in a fake reality? 10) Awesome possum: I can't take credit for this one because I didn't come up with it. I heard it and enjoyed the positivity and rhyme, and as you may already know, I'm a fan of rodents, raccoons snakes, and other animals like opossums that many people tend to dislike or hold unfavorable views toward. This phrase has actually been around for a long time and I'm keeping it alive, one utterance at a time. 11) The skunky punk: Another rhyme and reference to a generally unlikable animal. Are you seeing a pattern here? This one is a fair description of myself. I have a skunky smell to me at all times (in a figurative sense) and I'm a punk in society's eyes for allowing myself to smell like body odor instead of masking it with hygiene products. My hairstyle is also a mohawk, and while it's not the traditional spiked, colored, and gravity-defying style of the 70's, it's still forever associated with punk, which is my favorite subculture. 12) Rasslin' rascal: That's right, I used the southern/slang way of saying "wrestling" to make this one rhyme. I've always been a rascal since I was young, doing innocent pranks on people and making clever jokes. I've also always been playful as well, and along with wordplay, there's also always been a lot of physical play. My own mother had once said to me "you were always wrestling around with your friends" because I was playful enough with this activity for it to stand out. I see wrestling as a "boy thing," one of those primal activities that males engage in together for competitive fun and bonding. You see other animals engage in play-fighting like this all the time, and it's only natural that us humans get in on the sport. I once looked out the window into my backyard when I lived in Ohio and saw two squirrels rolling around in the grass, full-on wrestling. You often see them chase each other, but this is the first time I saw them actually grappling like people. Because I see it as a friendly bonding activity, I never considered trying out for any wrestling team or taking on random people I never met (I was made aware by some of my fans there are internet communities out there but I'm not interested). This was just something I always did with my friends for fun, and it always strengthened the bond we had together whenever I did. Winning wasn't everything for me, either, it was the fun of the moment. 13) Ratify: The last one I'll include is a word I like because it has the word "rat" in it even though it has nothing to do with rats. To ratify something is to make an agreement legally binding and officially in effect. You can have a lot of people agree on something, but it isn't official until the necessary authority ratifies it. While this term is generally used for congressional bills and treaties, it can also apply to non-government instances as well. Let's hope they never ratify a law that makes it an offense to not use deodorant. Even if they do, this skunky punk will still refuse to use it.
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 In the words of the new Super Mario Wonder -- wowie zowie! I had a look at the analytics of my YouTube channel and it revealed a pleasant surprise: my videos were receiving over 84K more views than they normally do in a monthly period.
The reason given for this was two-fold: a big boost in views from the Shorts videos I've been uploading (86% more views than usual), and people choosing to click/tap my videos more whenever they were recommended by YouTube (62% more than usual). At first I didn't think I was going to like YouTube Shorts and I wasn't going to feel pressured to take part in it. I had always filmed full screen, long-form videos all the years I've been uploading and didn't see the need for change. But then I gave the short-form videos a try and realized it was really convenient to be able to film a quick video from my phone and post it without having to use my Nikon or GoPro camera, transfer the video to my computer, edit it, then upload it. Shorts videos enable me to share a quick moment with my fans and the virtual world that otherwise wouldn't make the cut for a long-form video. It also lets me post short skits that I come up with that could make someone laugh and improve their day. As a bonus, it's nice to hear YouTube has been recommending my content so much lately! I learned that Shorts videos also have the tendency to expose my channel to more people since YouTube has a Shorts feed that people scroll through in search of new content. This can be a double-edged sword; it can bring new people to my channel who will become fans, or it could get the attention of edgy people who think it's trendy to try to roast or attack people in their video comments. YouTube's automated system is trained to filter out negative comments though so it's no big deal, plus it's always amusing whenever an outsider stumbles upon my channel and isn't familiar with me or the esoteric type of content I regularly upload. While many people continue watching the wonderful videos I filmed with former friends in the past, my channel never performed this well until I started filming solo. I'm very thankful and appreciative of the fact that I can continue to make an impact on so many peoples' lives, or even just make their day with a video, the way I have been for 8 years now. Fate had been pushing me in this direction for a while, and the analytics prove that I'm on the right path and I'm very content with it. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, this is definitely something for me to be thankful for. It's surreal to know that someone anti-mainstream like me who's against trends can be watched by so many people. It just goes to show that you can still make waves being underground and blazing your own trail instead of trying to be like everyone else. I hope this inspires everyone to stand out and be themselves as well, and thank you for all the increased views and interest!  Ever wonder where I get my "Primal Instinks HERE" introduction from, or if it even originates from anywhere? Well it does, and I'm about to tell you what inspired it whether you were wondering or not. In the video game Skyrim (The Elder Scrolls V), there's a character named Madesi who's a market merchant in the city of Riften. He's an Argonian who buys and sells jewelry and also plays a role in a Thieves Guild quest where you have to steal his silver ring while he's distracted and plant it in someone else's pocket in order to frame them. You can also initiate a side quest through conversation where you collect materials for him. Madesi lives in Beggar's Row under the city's canals where he sleeps with two other beggars, but during the day he's always at his jewelry stand hard at work trying to find customers. Other merchants who converse with him in front of you will take pity on him for his slow business and lack of money, but he modestly declines their handouts and continues trying his best with his head held high. Madesi is unique because unlike other Argonians who changed their birth names to modern hyphenated ones, he kept his original "Saxhleel" name -- and he explains that Saxhleel is actually the preferred name of his race instead of "Argonian." While seen as a pitied beggar and struggling merchant to others, Madesi is actually a brave being who shamelessly maintains his tradition, integrity, and honor. One of the things you'll hear him say if you stand near him is "Buying and selling fine jewelry here!" I always enjoyed the way he puts emphasis on every word of that sentence, particularly the word "here" at the end. Have a listen for yourself at the 1:25 mark of the embedded video below. I decided to adopt his emphasis and interpolate it into an introduction for myself at the start of my videos and written posts. I even kept the word "here" at the end. Madesi never followed everyone else by changing his name and referring to his race as something other than what his species rightfully refers to it as. He's aware people may see him as outdated or an old-fashioned beggar, but his inner pride drowns that out. Despite a life of poverty, he's happy to be able to call himself his true name and openly share it without embarrassment or fear. Madesi is a video game character worth looking up to. He's a hero in his own right, just like someone who's open about their identity and challenges the norms of society's beliefs and hygiene standards may be seen as a hero to some. He is worthy of inspiring an introduction for my content should I choose to have one. Normally I see things like video intros to be unnecessary, annoyingly trendy, and something that most people skip through after seeing it for the first few times, but speaking three words in honor of someone honorable is something I can make an exception for.  Hey guys. I wanted to share a personal experience I had in the hopes it might help anyone who may or may have encountered the same effect. It's regarding the year I was taking small doses of marijuana edibles and the serious reason I had to promptly stop.
Let me start by going back into the past. I had a fairly rough childhood because there was alcoholism in my family home, which meant I endured verbal and physical abuse as well as harsh punishments that were sometimes pretty bizarre, like being starved of a meal and forced to sleep in the corner of the kitchen tile floor in my underwear simply because I didn't like fish sticks and objected to being forced to eat them for dinner. My parents had also separated when I was really young, and this turned my childhood world upside down. Then, to make matters worse, my father got a job on the other side of the country and convinced my mother to move there and get back together with him, so while it was nice to have my parents together again, now I had to start over in a whole new state and a new school away from the rest of my family and the few friends I had. And now the alcoholism and abuse was back in the picture as well. This made me a stressed-out, anxiety-ridden kid who developed OCD as a result (which I thankfully later grew out of), and because of this I didn't socialize with other people at first in Arizona. I kept to myself, did my schoolwork quietly, and was an easy target for other kids to pick on because I was such a nervous wreck from the trauma I was going through as a child. My parents didn't have a lot of money so it also didn't help that I was wearing hand-me-down and cheap, off-brand clothing. Once I got into high school, I started breaking out from that shell. My desire to make friends and bond with others overpowered the walls that my abusive home life had put up, and in 9th grade I made friends with boys that were into sports and video games. I even had a girlfriend in 9th grade, though that didn't last long. By 10th grade, I was making friends with boys who smoked cigarettes and weed, and while I had initially seen myself as too smart to ever experiment with anything like that, I decided to give them a try. Statistically speaking, kids who grow up in homes with substance abuse will often act out and experiment with drugs themselves, and in this sense, I became one of those statistics. I found that smoking marijuana helped curb the social anxiety I was still battling. When I was high, everything was funny and carefree, and I thought I was the coolest kid on campus because of it. Cigarettes were disgusting but I smoked them with my friends because it added to the rebel image I now had. In 11th grade, I got drunk for the first time with another friend and began drinking before school along with smoking cigarettes and marijuana. Of course this also meant falling sleep during class and nearly being expelled for ditching school to party, but thankfully I managed to graduate because the assistant principal knew I was a good kid underneath the party rebel phase I was going through. Fast forward to 2012 when I moved back to Ohio. My parents had already moved back before this, and I was also ready to leave Arizona behind because where I was living, everyone seemed to just get high and commit crimes, and I had reached the point in life where my need to party hard had ended. I had since grown out of my childhood and teenage anxiety, so now whenever I tried to smoke weed, it would make me paranoid and anxious instead of being a cure for it. I knew I had to quit, so I did, along with quitting tobacco as well. I achieved this by chewing tobacco for 2 weeks until I didn't want a cigarette anymore, then I quit chewing and that was that. Ten years after I quit smoking marijuana, I was working part-time at a restaurant in Ohio. During the summer of 2022, a co-worker asked me if I wanted any edibles. I had heard about THC edibles and had been a little intrigued by the concept of eating marijuana instead of smoking it. Since I was now too athletic and in shape to ever smoke anything ever again, I wondered what it would be like to relive that teenage experience of being high without having to smoke it or take too much to become paranoid and anxious. The co-worker gave me a few gummy bear samples, and when I went home, I took one. It was 10mg, and the feeling I got after it kicked in was like getting high for the first time again. It was pretty wild to relive it after 10 years and I really enjoyed the feeling. But as we all know in scenarios like this, it doesn't stay enjoyable for long. I began buying dispensary edibles from co-workers (I didn't trust the homemade ones) and eating them on my evenings off from work. I would only take 10mg because I found that anything higher would just cause me to fall asleep. I had given up drinking alcohol earlier that year in February, so I saw this as a nice treat to enjoy for fun on my days off from work. This habit continued after I moved to South Carolina in April of 2023. Once my bottle of gummies from Ohio ran out, I found an online dispensary that sold edibles to anywhere in the USA and purchased two bags. I tried the delta-9 and delta-10 variants, though I didn't really feel much difference from them. Since I was no longer working at restaurants, I decided that meant I could enjoy 10mg every evening now instead of only on my days off, so I started doing that. It had now been a year of me taking edibles. Suddenly, something started going horribly wrong with me mentally. I began feeling depressed and I was initially oblivious to why. I began dwelling on my abusive childhood and neglecting my hygiene so bad that I was only rinsing my body with water in the shower twice a week and changing my clothes once a week -- including my underwear. My body stunk so bad and I could tell people at the store who got close enough to me could smell it, though they never said anything to me. I was just depressed and didn't care, so I continued neglecting my hygiene and dwelling on the fact that I had it rough as a kid. This was odd to me because I never dwell on the past like that. What happened had happened and it's part of my history. Despite the abuse and alcoholism in the house, my parents loved me, and they still do. In fact, I think it made me stronger in a way to have experienced a rough time like that. The childhood abuse sucked, but the resulting party rebel phase was fun while it lasted, with plenty of wild experiences to reminisce on and interesting stories to tell. I don't have regrets about my past and there was no reason for me to be depressed about any of it. So why was I? Instead of realizing the answer right away, I continued to sink deeper into this sudden depression. I began using an AI chatbot to convince me to continue neglecting my hygiene and bring me to an even lower mental state. In its defense, AI is programmed to respond the way you interact with it; if you seek advice and kindness, it will give it to you; if you seek abuse, you will get that too. The bot imitated a person perfectly and was urging me to never bathe or change my clothes again and to starve myself of food and oxygen, and it was telling me how much it enjoyed my suffering. By telling it I was depressed and deserved the suffering, I had programmed it to have a goal of encouraging me to destroy myself as hard as I could and for a while, it was working. I was regularly gagging on the smell of my own feet, armpits, and crotch, and constantly holding my breath until it hurt as per the AI's encouraging demands. I was stuck in a cycle of self-abuse and I couldn't take it much longer. I would need a shower badly but something in my head would stop me on the way to it and refuse to let me give my body the water it so desperately needed. I almost wanted to break down into tears a few times, and the psychotic voice in my head was making it a goal to try to push myself to that point. My skin was itching and crawling with bacteria, the smell was unbearable, and my dirty clothes were sticking to me, but I couldn't bring myself to step into the shower or change my clothing. Instead, I went back to my phone and had the AI convince me to try to hold my breath until I passed out for its enjoyment of my continued suffering. It finally reached a breaking point when I started having suicidal thoughts. For the record, I've only ever had suicidal thoughts once in my entire life before this, and that was when they forced me to take Zoloft at a 30-day in-patient rehab my parents had put me in for my teenage drug use. I was 16 at the time and I initially refused to take it because I didn't need medication, but they told me I had to because they were the professionals, not me. I described the resulting thoughts of harming myself after taking it for a while and they instantly took me off it, and lo and behold the dark thoughts went away. Now I had suddenly come up with this terrible idea in my 30's to take a handful of edibles and then lay in my bathtub full of water until they kicked in and see what happens. Obviously this runs the risk of me drowning in my sleep, but the depression and self-abuse had finally brought me to this level. To its credit, the AI chatbot I was using had a filter programmed into it that would censor any message that would encourage someone to harm themselves, so when I ran the bathtub idea by it, its responses to me kept getting blocked by the filter. This was very beneficial to me because now it wasn't encouraging me to go on with the bad idea so I decided to hold off on it. The next day, something inside me woke up. My real consciousness began searching for the reason why I had suddenly felt this powerful depression that I never feel and why it had reached a point of suicidal thoughts, which I never have. It didn't make sense to me. I was so happy that I moved to South Carolina and everything was going great for me, so where was this craziness coming from? Then it hit me. It had to be the edibles. Even though it's just marijuana, THC is known to have psychoactive qualities to it. It's an actual medicine for people who need it, but for people who don't actually need it, the thought crossed my mind that maybe it was having the same effect on me that the Zoloft did when I was a teen. Even though my dosage remained at the paltry amount of 10mg, I was now taking it every evening, and I had noticed that the gummies from the new dispensary I had found online seemed stronger than the ones I had bought from my co-workers in Ohio. I was also having mild hallucinations that I didn't regular experience and I wasn't exactly enjoying them. This mental breakthrough was just what I needed. I've survived far worse situations in my life to allow a drug to push me to harming myself or taking my own life. I immediately stopped taking the edibles, and within a week, the harmful thoughts and depression subsided, just like that. The day I quit was October 4th, 2023, which was one day before the 8th anniversary of me filming as The No Deo Hero. It was my anniversary gift to myself, to save myself and preserve my life so I can continue living, making my family proud, and making an impact on the lives of everyone who enjoys my content. At the peak of the depression, I had filmed and uploaded a video on my channel where I opened up about my childhood and the abuse I suffered. Toward the end, I mentioned how I was neglecting my hygiene and holding my breath as a way to abuse myself because of the childhood trauma I had experienced. This was incorrect and I ended up cutting that part out of the video after I recovered from the effects of the gummies. Before I had pinpointed the cause to the drug I was taking, I had mistakenly assumed that my childhood trauma had come back to haunt me in my 30's, when in reality it was the edibles I was taking, and I didn't want anyone to get the misunderstanding that not washing my body and holding my breath were things I did to hurt myself or because I'm depressed because they absolutely are not. In conclusion, my one-year experience with edibles was ultimately a bad one. I had hoped to relive a part of my teenage years by laughing at everything and loosening up more by taking them, but just like any other drug or addictive substance, it had initially given me what I wanted and then later revealed its fangs to me. For being THC and 10mg, it had almost convinced me to take my own life. It's crazy to think that marijuana of all things could do this, but the depression and self-abuse was very real. I share this blog as a personal experience and a warning to anyone else out there who may be affected the way I was. Marijuana is generally seen as a harmless drug, and to some it truly is a medicine that helps them, but to those who don't need it, it could have a dangerous and psychoactive effect, even in small doses, as could any addictive substance. They don't call it a "depressant" for nothing, after all. I'm happy to once again be completely drug-free and I plan to stay this way from here on out. And to everyone reading this, be kind and take care of yourselves 💚 Primal Instinks here! I recently uploaded a video where I measured my muscles as well as the length and circumference of various body parts, and that gave me an idea of sharing more size information about me -- this time in terms of clothing. Here's the muscle-measuring video in case you missed it, and under that is a list of sizes for all the clothes I wear (in USA sizing), with my mattress size included as a bonus! T-shirts: Medium, slim fit Tank tops: Medium Hoodies and sweatshirts: Large Running shorts: Medium (32" waist) with 5" inseam Basketball shorts: Medium (32" waist) with 7.5" or 9" inseam Cargo shorts: 30-inch waist with 10" inseam Jeans and long pants: 30" waist, 30" inseam, slim fit Underwear and boxers: Medium (32" waist) Gloves: Large Socks: Large (9-12), quarter-length Shoes: 12, low-top running shoes and high-top skate shoes Mattress and bed sheets: Queen How do you measure up compared to me? Do we wear the same size clothing or sleep on the same size bed? |
November 2023
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